I’ve always had an untamable spirit with an incessant curiosity about life and a compelling reluctancy to follow normality. I grew up feeling misplaced in the midst of my family’s dynamic of traditional views. Being the unconventional freethinker of my family forged an evident disconnect between them and I. While everyone else followed suit, careful to not make waves, I disturbed the ebb and flow of an agreeable family system. My fathers domineering nature spotlighted the grave distinction of my inborn sensitivity and my parents’ inability to nurture it. It was early on in my life, in my alienation from my family, that I discovered my passion to create and a deft desire inside me to articulate my emotions another way— through my hands. Art was the solitary space where my expression was free of rules, restrictions, judgement or punishment.

Being prohibited from voicing my truth and not feeling acknowledged or understood by my family had its’ many influences on my life. It crippled my ability to trust my own inner decisiveness and wounded my sense of worthiness. Having my views overruled and discredited reinforced the idea that to be who I am, essentially, wasn’t acceptable. From my childhood years of not feeling love and acceptance from my family, I became an expert at conforming to who other people needed me to be in order to belong. I learned to persist by merely blending into my surroundings and virtually offsetting my entire existence.

I strayed from home in my teens and began living independently by the age of eighteen. With a love for learning but no aspiration to further my formal education, I went on to pursue a career that suited my artistic niche coloring hair. Even without the support of my family, I was determined to succeed as an artist. Being the youngest in my workplace, I achieved a decade of noteworthy success in the beauty industry and became one of the salons top performing operators. Even with growing professional success, I still felt a lurking sense of something missing. As it turned out, my chase for financial achievement and other physical attainments were only a temporary compensation for the emptiness I felt inside. 

After a suicide attempt in early 2017, I was awakened from narcoma with a deep inner calling to purse a different path. When my life flashed before my eyes, it also shed a light on the dark place that I had buried myself to hide. In my reflection, I was confronted with a startling question. “Who am I?” I questioned who I was outside of my six-year relationship that had come to an end. I questioned who I was outside of my career, my image, my material assets, the judgement of others and the baggage from my past. I no longer belonged to myself and I was struck with the enlightenment that the relationship in my life that needed mending most was the one I had with me. The closeness I was looking for was something missing from and needing to be found within. My truth seeking journey commenced as I held a mirror up to myself and my circumstances. This took having to face and forgive some very difficult realities about myself. My entire life I had been adamant about succeeding without any help, but in a radical moment of courage, I admitted needing support and committed to weekly therapy. My natural curiosity provoked me to both explore and challenge the limits of my perception. I immersed myself in books and personal research and stretched myself in new directions. I started to absorb new information as I traveled new places, attended healing workshops, retreats and dove deep in my commitment to rebuild my life. I couldn’t find this education in a classroom.

With a new grip on my life, I started to speculate all of the limiting beliefs that I had inherited as my own and found truth within my experiences to credence new beliefs. As I detached from the precepts and patterns from my past, I started responding to my life with intention instead of reacting to it out of fear. By acknowledging my doubts, I put an end to making that my entire existence. As I unlearned fear, I welcomed love and magnetized nourishing relationships into my life. Opening up to others about the painful conflicts of my past and being transparent about the adversity I had overcome, I was able to see myself and others through a new lens. With a new set of eyes, I noticed a shift in my external world. Giving myself permission to ask for help, make mistakes and be seen allowed me to overcome new challenges I faced with the acumen that I am worthy of love and belonging. By fully embracing and owning my story, I removed the ownership it had over me. That confidence empowered me to step into new leadership roles and use my story as a pillar of strength to help others heal.